I have certain sins that are my "favorites". Things that are difficult to resist. And the longer I stay away from the Sacrament of Grace that Confession is, the harder they are to resist. Without the sanctifying grace that is given so freely in the Confessional, I fall more easily and more often. Performing the duties of my vocation (wife, mother, homeschooler) becomes more difficult. Even seeing the sin is more difficult. When I was attending Mass more often (when gas was cheaper and I could afford to drive the 20-30 mile round-trip to a Mass nearly every weekday), I would go to weekly Confession. Sin became easier to resist. Not only that, but I could also see the small ways in which I offend the Lord on such a regular basis. Oddly enough, my Confessions were longer and more detailed whenI went more often.
Now I am, admittedly, lazy about getting myself across town. I am not attending Mass as often as I ought to, and even though it's expensive to go every day, it's not so expensive that I couldn't manage it weekly. Really. And if I made the effort to go on Fridays, let's say, I could also go to Confession weekly, as well. (I do live only three miles from my parish, but we don't have Mass during the week except on Wednesday evenings - if Father is in town - and I prefer to confess to a different priest than Father for reasons all my own.)
This all looks rather gloomy, doesn't it?
But yesterday, I wanted to go to Confession. Sort of. I knew I needed to go, and that was why I wanted to go. So, we prepared to head across town for Confession.
We got there a little bit before Father was to start, so I asked the girls to go with me to pray before the Tabernacle. I knelt in the front row, opened my prayer book, and prayed this prayer:
My Lord and God, I have sinned. I am guilty before You.
Grant me the strength to say to Your minister what I say to You in the secret of my heart.
Increase my repentance. Make it more genuine. May it be really a sorrow for having offended You and my neighbor rather than a wounded love of self.
Help me to atone for my sin. May the sufferings of my life and my little mortifications be joined with the sufferings of Jesus, Your Son, and cooperate in rooting sin from the world.
Amen.
I begged the Holy Spirit to help me to make a good Confession, to help me to be honest. Even though I know I am speaking to Christ Himself when I speak to the priest (I speak to Christ through the priest, and Christ absolves me through the priest, as well), I am still nervous when I confess. I am often embarassed at the sins I confess again and again. I'm ashamed that I cannot seem to do better for my Lord than I do. And, as Red Neck Woman said, when we prepare for Confession, we actually seek out the sins we've committed. We don't just acknowledge our sins, but we examine our consciences in order to humble ourselves and admit our sins. (And, for those who might not realize it, know that our confessors - the priests we go to for this Sacrament - must also make a regular Confession, as well. Even the priests must participate in this exercise of humility.)When we moved from the main church to the chapel that is attached to where the confessional is, there were people waiting ahead of us, and the girls and I sat quietly and prayed. Big Girl went to a kneeler near a stained glass window of Saint Maron and prayed there until her turn. Little Girl, still six months or so away from her first Confession, sat and read a book on the lives of popular saints. (Many of you Catholic parents have bought this same picture book for your children. I had one when I was a girl, and my girls have their own copy, as well.)
Finally, it was my turn to enter the Confessional. My heart pounded as I walked to the door, entered, closed it behind me, and knelt behind the screen.
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned..."
Without excuse, I made the best Confession I could. I awaited my penance. After receiving it, I said my Act of Contrition, and then listened to the priest as he said some of the most wonderful words anyone can hear spoken to them:
God, the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of His Son, has reconciled the world to himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins; through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
I could almost feel the weight, the chains, fall from my soul! I managed to hold back my tears as I said, "Thank you, Father. God bless you!"
As I knelt and said my penance, I cried tears of joy, and then I said a prayer of thanksgiving for after Confession:
My dearest Jesus, I have told all my sins as well as I could. I have tried hard to make a good confession. I feel sure that You have forgiven me. I thank You. It is only because of all Your sufferings that I can go to Confession and free myself from my sings. Your Heart is full of love and mercy for poor sinners. I love You because You are so good to me.
My loving Savior, I shall try to keep from sin and to love You more each day.
My dear Mother Mary, pray for me to keep my promises. Protect me and do not let me fall back into sin.
Amen.
If you haven't been to Confession since Lent began, I urge you to avail yourself of the graces of this beautiful Sacrament. Even if it's been years, do not stay away from God's grace and mercy! Do not be afraid to come back to God and His Church and His Sacraments!
It is not as scary as you might think, and you'll feel so much better when you're finished. Plus, you'll be shiny, clean, and like-new for Easter!
May God bless you and may you have a blessed Holy Week!
*I am always amazed at the light penances I receive. I always feel like I ought to do more than I'm given, but I know that part of the gift of Reconciliation is that we aren't punished as we ought to be for our sins - not when we are sorry for them. Christ took that punishment for us.
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