What makes a woman who purposely gets pregnant with baby #2 lock herself in a bathroom and cry in fear only minutes after celebrating with her husband that the baby is on the way?
20 weeks of it with Big Girl. 25 weeks of it with Little Girl. So much fear of it hapenning again that I opted for a tubal ligation, knowing full well that I was comitting a mortal sin. Carrying that burden without even feeling that I could confess it for years. Finally confessing, but still carrying the burden.
HG is scary stuff.
Dawn Eden has an off-site article about someone who now has a ministry of sorts to help women and their families deal with HG. And, let me tell you, without the support of your family, you can't make it through. Without my family to help us, I don't know how I would have made it. My mother took care of Big Girl for months, sometimes overnight, while I was in and out of the hospital and Hubby was doing everything else. Hubby did everything in the house - laundry, cooking, cleaning, diapers for Big Girl, shopping, caring for me...his steadfast love was crucial, and it all made me so aware of the great blessing he is in my life.
If you wonder how we, as assenting Catholics who love the Church and believe in her teachings, could have just two children, read this article and try to imagine what it was like. Even now, I have tears in my eyes as I remember what a complete and total nightmare it was to go through HG. It's still hard sometimes to look at a woman who is newly pregnant and out in the world, glowing and all, and not looking at all sick. At least God removed my bitterness and anger over it. Now I just wonder what it's like and wish I could have been like that.
I so wanted to have more children...