Saving Our Children's Purity, Part II

I started with Part I here, which might be helpful to read first. Because of the deeply personal nature of this post, I previewed it with Big Girl and obtained her permission to post it as it appears for you below.

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"Do you want to sit down?" I asked her as she stood by our bed.

She sighed. "Yes. This could take a while."

And so began the torrent of tears. Big Girl is going to a NET Ministries presentation with the youth group from church, and I'm going to a Moms' Night Out. So Travel Man is taking Little Girl on a date. She wants to go see Megamind.

Unfortunately, we'd told Big Girl that we probably wouldn't go see it because it's expensive to go to the movies (all four of us) and we've been kinda spendy for the last few months. So she's upset that she isn't seeing a movie she wants to see, but Travel Man is taking her sister to go see it.

But that's the tip, and it was abandoned almost immediately for the more pressing issues: that we aren't letting her have a boyfriend or a cell phone or to go on a "date" with a boy she likes.

I had to really, really think about this. Because there's something WRONG with a 12 year old having a boyfriend. (The cell phone thing, we determined pretty quickly, was a battle she knew she wasn't going to win, but she wanted to vent about it since she thinks everyone sees her as a total freak for not having one.) That, and she was tired of school. It's hard in seventh grade, suddenly there's a lot of history and writing and these are both new - at least in the quantity that they're coming in.

But, back to the boyfriend thing. It's WRONG, for sure, but I couldn't put my finger on it. On the fly, I prayed my favorite prayer to pray when I'm in trouble and need immediate input.

"HELP!!!"

It's actually quite effective.

Travel Man had handled the movie thing already, and I suddenly had my answer for the boyfriend issue.

"If you have a boyfriend now, what's left for later?"

"Huh?"

"If you start dating now, at 12, and you have a boyfriend, what's left to happen later, say, in four years?"

"I have a deeper relationship with him later."

Oh, horrid words! She has NO IDEA what that means to a 16 or 17 year old boy!! She's so innocent!

Trying not to cringe, trying not to pull punches, I finally realize that I have to let her have the information I didn't really think I'd need to share with her for years. But, let's face it: she's not me. She's not, at 12, the size of her nine year old sister. She's not bespecled, she has no acne. She isn't a "carpenter's dream." She's not so socially awkward that she sometimes hides from people she knows in public so she doesn't have to say hi to them. She is BEAUTIFUL and smart and funny and confident and outgoing and did I mention beautiful? (Protecting her innocence might be a real nightmare for my poor husband.)

When I was 12, boys ignored me. Unless it was to throw gypsy moth caterpillars at me. I liked being ignored better.

Not Big Girl. She's amazing. She's who I wanted to be at 12. And now I see God's wisdom and protection in the late-blooming nature of my whole life.

I have to tell her that the "deeper relationship" very often turns to sex. Girls lose their virginity. They have babies. Her aunt delivered a baby for a mother who was my precious Big Girl's age. The culture is a cesspool, and even though I do everything I can to protect her, and even though she obeys me without question when we're walking through the mall and I order the girls to "look down quick!" so we can run a gammet of disgusting pictures and displays in shops, stuff is there. And it seeps in. And for boys, it is FAR worse! I try to explain as best as I can without details, that the visual makes boys' and men's brains fire like mad. Her dressing modestly protects not only her, but also the boys she knows. That it's scary-hard for those boys who want to remain pure for their future wives because the cesspool is EVERYWHERE. I get frantic (partly to snap her out of her hysterics, partly because, dammit, I've been holding this in for years): I can't walk through the mall without eight six-foot by four-foot signs of women in their underwear being plastered in front of SANTA CLAUS AT THE MALL! I can't check out at Wal Mart without magazines discussing things that children should never see! I don't mention that I'm sick of pedophiles designing clothes that try to make my innocent girls look like hookers. But she starts to see a little.

I explain again:

"Honey, if you start dating now, you have a boyfriend now, in four years, if you want to show your love, what's left? Where do you go?" Now she's just staring at me, wide-eyed. "Honey, those boys are so pressured now ... "

Here I turn to my patient husband, who's been listening to me try with all my might to help her understand what I'm protecting her from without actually going too far.

"Honey, it's worse now. How bad was it for you when you were a boy?"

"Awful. And now is just as bad, and I'm an old married guy."

I turn back to my wide-eyed daughter.

"Big Girl, sweetheart, those boys are so pressured into thinking that the way you express that deeper love is to give up your virginity. That is so dangerous for so many reasons, but let's remember the most important is that it puts your very soul in mortal danger. After being with someone for three, four years, you WANT to show them how much you love them. But you can't get married when you're 16."

She's already said that she wasn't going to do that. But I know better. Sadly, I know better.

"When you wait to have a real boyfriend until you're 16, then when that three or four years go by and you want your love to be deeper, then you're *ready to be married*! And that's why we don't want you to have a boyfriend. Because you need to save that special time for when you are ready, emotionally, to have a boyfriend."

At this point, she was starting to feel a little overwhelmed. She started getting silly, laughing a little, and changing the subject. I pressed her for an answer, though. "Even if you don't totally agree, do you at least *understand* our reasons now?" She did.

And, at 11:45 PM, she skipped upstairs to go back to bed.

Saving Our Children's Purity, Part I

Our family is weird by today's standards. In more ways than one.

The first oddity is our undying devotion to the Catholic Church and all she passes on to us from God. Yes, all. No, we don't think women priests are a good idea - it can't even be done. No, we don't think that contraception is okay sometimes. No, we don't think that abortion is okay in the cases of rape and incest - those babies are not guilty of anything. No, we don't think that homosexuals are able to get married. Yes, we love our priests and bishops and the Holy Father. We pray for them all, and we obey the Church, even when it's hard. That not only makes us weird in the general world out there, it also makes us weird to a lot of Catholics. That makes me a bit sad, but that's life, you know?

Next comes our strange decision to keep our kids with us at home and teach them here. Homeschooling is more accepted than it was 15 years ago, and I am so grateful for the parents who fought so hard to gain reclaim our right to be the primary educators of our own children. The Church teaches that all parents are their children's primary educators, and when I applied for the religious exemption in our state, I referred to this right in my explanation of why I'm homeschooling. It's a God-given right for me to teach my children, to have them educated how I see fit, in order that they gain Heaven.

Even though homeschooling is not frowned upon by most people any more (thanks, Tebow family!), we are still looked at askew sometimes by parents who cannot imagine having their children around them 24/7.

Me? I like my girls. I love having them around, and it's not because I want to shelter them. They're really neat people. They're funny and smart and witty and great to be around. I feel a little bad for parents who don't like being with their kids. I feel bad for the kids, too, because if your parents don't like you, who will?

But anyway, we are weird for homeschooling. We do things like have school in our PJ's sometimes, or take field trips that last a week, like when my parents took them on a field trip to Washington, DC. Or take tours of old churches as part of school. We read Shakespeare and the kids make my husband and I act out the balcony scene in Romeo & Juliet, or the scene in Juliet's tomb, with me lying on the couch while my husband pretends to stab himself and die on the living room floor. Because doing that while your third-grader cheers you both on is really not very normal. (It should be. Lemme tell you what, ladies. Try acting out that balcony scene with your husband and then try containing yourself until the kids are in bed! WHEW!)

We're also weird because we shelter our kids from a lot of things we feel they aren't ready for. Things that are now considered normal for kids to have or do. While they do have access to a computer for schoolwork, both girls have parental controls on the internet browser that limits where they can go. Neither of them are allowed on YouTube to just watch videos, even of stuff we think might be okay. (You NEVER know what those "related videos" will be!) They are not allowed to have Facebook accounts, which is not a big deal for the nine year old, but does make the 12 year old look strange to her friends.

They don't have cell phones, either. Oh, there have been times when they're away all day on a Youth Group trip or a dance rehearsal where we'll loan them a phone (Travel Man has a work cell and a personal cell). But they don't have their own. And they won't for a long time. We've said to them both that we'll start the discussion when they turn 16 and start doing things like drive and work. Until then, they'll live. Heck, I didn't have a cell phone until I was in my 20's, and I lived. I'm sure they won't implode.

This is actually something we've had to really explain - not to other parents, usually. The ones who say anything are usually the ones who lament the day they bought a cell phone for their child. The ones who have no regrets don't usually try to persuade us; maybe we look like we just don't care what they think. But to the kids, and especially to Big Girl, who is blazing the path and has to be the first one to ask for everything.

The thing is, there is an unrestricted internet on that phone. And texting. And calls to who-knows-who. Frankly, I don't let them just call anyone on the house phone, or just start sending emails to just anyone. (As a matter of fact, the kids are white-listed on their email accounts. Each new address sent to or received from must be approved by a parent first. Permissions can also be rescinded.) But with a cell phone, that's impossible to control. Not only can I not control much who's called, I cannot control who is sending messages to my girls. And, while at 12 and 13 that's probably not a concern, I know what happens when hormonal teenagers have cell phones with video, still cameras, and an unlimited texting and messaging plan. And why take the risk of exposing them to any of that early? At this point, neither of them have enough sense to know who should have their phone numbers. I know they'd give them out to everyone they're friends with!

Now, it's super-hard to protect their purity when we go out. I'm not even talking about the mall, where we avoid an entire section to avoid Victoria's Secret's gigantic soft-p*rn window-display posters. I'm talking about walking between Spencer's and a T-shirt place where my kids have almost nowhere to look without taking the chance of them seeing something vile. I'm talking about Wal Mart's checkout line where Cosmo sits, usually without the blinders, proclaiming that it has great ideas for … well, you know. But while Cosmo is still out in front on the smut parade, even the more tame magazines display big headlines about being sexy and the gossip magazines talk brazenly about hook-ups, shack-ups, break-ups, and babies out of wedlock as though it's all peachy-keen, hunky-dory, good and healthy stuff.

And teen girls are being pressured to start dating earlier and earlier. You're a loser if you don't have a boyfriend when you're 12. If you're not getting to go out alone with that boyfriend by 13 or 14, you're just really a weirdo. Don't forget to wear that sexy outfit! Lace leggings and a miniskirt! Yippee!

*barf*

This Culture of Death is trying to dress my girls like hookers, push them into dating early, and then will throw condoms at them and tell them that they just can't help themselves because they've got hormones and stuff and gosh if you love him then why not it's just sex and everyone does that eventually get that virginity thing out of the way and have you seen Sex and the City yet?

*double barf*

Well-meaning people have asked me, "What's the big deal? To her, having a boyfriend means they sit together and like each other."

I had to think a lot about what that means. Not to her, but for real. What, in real life, does it mean to have a boyfriend? Where does it lead? What is the reason people date? Do I even WANT her dating, or do we want more of a courtship situation? There is something I don't like about it, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

I've been praying since my Big Girl was born about how to answer these questions - and questions about growing up and human sexuality - because I needed to be ready with good, clear answers with reasons behind them that I could explain. My answer had to be more than "No," and "Because I said so."

I was finally confronted with having to give answers recently, and I'll share those answers with you in Part II.

(UPDATE: Part II can be found here.)

Homeschooling History

My girls are both using Catholic Heritage Curricula this year, and I really like their history programs. Each are writing summaries of the things they are learning about, and they are both researching in the library and in our nifty new encyclopedia set. (I bought the 2000 edition of the World Book Encyclopedia, minus a couple of books, for $5 at our local branch.) Between the World Book and Maureen Wittmann's resource, I'm doing well in getting books for them to read.

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In the first quarter of fourth grade, Little Girl is researching our home state of Virginia. Each week she writes a little more about the state. So far, she's done three essays on the things she's learned. I have helped a bit with structure, and this week I helped a bit with sorting out the precious little (and slightly confusing) information we could find about early missionaries in Virginia. But by and large, she has written these essays on her own. She's occasionally asked for help in creating a decent sentence out of her new knowledge, and I have, naturally, made some corrections. These are all normal for her age. (Any notes within their essays, I have included as smaller text in italics.)

Here are her three essays that she's done so far on Virginia:

I. Virginia

The first people that lived in Virginia lived here in the fifteen-thousand BC, they lived here till the beginning of the sexteen-hundreds. At least, that's what the scientists say, they actually could have lived here longer, or shorter. By about 1200 BC the woodland culture began. Now, a chief or head-man would lead a village. ARound that time they learned to dig up clay from the wet riverbank to make what archaeologists call woodland pottery. Later on, people from England came to Virginia and made a settlement called Jamestown.

In his early tweties, John Smith traveled all over the middle east and Europe. He sailed across the Atliantic Ocean and ended upin Virginia. He named the town he found Jamestown. When more people, later on, lived in Jamestown, there was more farming done. But, the farmers did not do the sowing, the watering, the weeding, or any other important gardening things. They had slaves that did the work for them instead of doing the work themselves. The people that lived in Virginia had slaves for a long time, until Abraham Lincoln made a new law that made slavery illegal. Virginia has a nickname, like other states, and Virginia's nickname is "The Old Dominion." It was made a state in 1776, and the state flower is the Dogwood. The state tree is the flowering dogwood.

(You can see here that I didn't do a lot of correcting and adjusting. I wanted her to feel good about finishing her first really big research project. We talked about ways to improve it the next time, but I mostly left this one alone.)

II. Virginia Part II (How Virginia Became a State)

Before Virginia became a state, the British ruled the thirteen colonies. A group of people gathered together and discussed independence because they did not like being ruled by a king. Some of the people were Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, and John Adams. The committee wanted someone to write a Declaration of Independence. Thomas Jefferson was the one instructed to write it. He began his work on June 11th 1776. After finishing his final draft, the other people in the committee edited it and gave it to congress on June 28th. On July 2nd, congress voted for independence before releasing it to the public on July 4th, or, Independence Day.

In 1882, John Adams wrote a letter to Timothy Pickering that, at the beginning, read:

"You inquire why so young a man as Jefferson was placed at the head of the committee for preparing a declaration of independence? I answer: It was the frankfort advice to place Virginia at the head of everything."

III. Taking a Look at Virginia's Early Missionaries (You see here that her title has even improved! I didn't even mention this to her, but she might have picked it up from my lessons with her sister.)

In 1526, Dominican friar Antonio de Montesinos said mass near the future Jamestown. Friar Antonio also brought back Indians to Spain. One of the Indians was later baptized as Don Luis de Velasco. Later, in 1570, Don Luis de Velasco helped two priest and their companions on a mission to Axacon. The priests were named Fr. Segura and Fr. Luis de Quiro. Their trip was not just them but seven other Jesuits and three Indian boys. That means there were thirteen all together on the mission. The priests and their companions landed and fortunately got a warm welcome. They later built a log chapel and started a mission with the help of Don Luis. Unfortunately, Don Luis betrayed them and helped the nearby Indians kill everyone in the mission but one Indian boy. After that, missions stopped until Virginia became a colony. Maryland was a colony at the same time as Virginia, but it was especially for Catholics. People in Maryland supported new missions in Virginia, because it wasn't a good place for Catholics until 1786, when Thomas Jefferson wrote a statues allowing Catholics to be free in worship. Many years later, on July eleventh, 1820, Pope Pius VII created the Richmond Diocese.

(I admit that I think I corrected, while typing, a couple of spelling errors. I think she wrote "compainions" and "fortunally" in there. But she did spell out the numbers as I typed them!)

The next set of writing she'll do is about the states Catholic shrines and/or missions. Might be interesting since our parish itself was a mission parish at one point! In fact, because Catholics comprise such a small part of the population in Virginia, this is actually still considered mission territory! What will also be nice is that in October we'll be at the Basilica of the Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in Washington, D.C.

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Big Girl has a different task this year. Though she, too, is studying American history, hers is much more in depth - as it should be for a seventh grader! Every week she has a new set of topics to research, and she writes not only a summary of the topic, but she also writes shorter essays on sub-topics that relate to the main one!

Her first week was about Indians in North America. She read in Christ and the Americas about the Aztecs and wanted to learn more about them. Here are her three essays from the first week of history:

The Aztecs

The Aztecs were an interesting culture. They had different habits than we do now. The women stayed home and cleaned, while the men gathered the crops, or worked in the fields. Women's clothes were a sleeveless blouse, with a skirt, while men wore only a loincloth & a tilma.

In battle, the Aztecs fought to capture, not to kill. While fighting Aztecs would only midly wound their enemy, then take them as prisoners. Later, they would sacrifice the prisoners.

As for religion, the Aztecs were very gory, because they would cut the heart out of a living man, then throw the body in a ditch. There were many Aztec gods, mostly gods of harvest & of plants. They made sacrifices almost every day.

Mostly, the Aztecs ate tortillas with vegetables. However, they also ate mean, and drand chocolate drinks. They also raised dogs & turkeys for food.

So, the Aztecs were different, but not all in a bad way. To them, we would be weird, too. After the Spanish Conquest, the Aztecs died out. However, we know they were an interesting race, and that they were brave & strong.

The Aztec Gods

The Aztecs thought highly of their gods. There were sacrifices almost every day. Over 100 people died each sacrifice. This cut down the population greatly. The Aztecs thought if they didn't sacrifice, the sun wouldn't rise the next day. There were many gods, many of which had to do with nature. The gods were worshipped until Cortez arrived. The Aztecs built HUGE stone monuments to the gods the size of cathedrals! Once a sacrifice took place for 4 days and 4 nights! 80,000 men died that night. The priests would cut out a victim's hear, place the heart in a statue of a god's mouth, and throw the body in a ditch.

Hernando Cortes

Hernando Cortes was sailing to mexico. When he got there, he found the Aztec Civilization. The emperor, Montezuma II, feared he was a god, &, having had a bad treatment in the past, came back to avenge himself. The year was 1519. Cortes had actually come for wealth and riches. Though he arrived on Good Friday, he was battling the Aztecs by the end of the year. The Aztecs, after they found out he wasn't a god, were angered because he wouldn't leave.

The first battle raged, then both sides, Spaniards and Aztecs backed away. The fights continued for over a year, until the Spaniards prevailed. But it still took a lot to win. Cortes even took Montezuma II hostage for a time. Later, however, Montezuma II died of battle wounds. So in Tenochtitlan, future Mexico City, the Spaniards defeated the Aztecs. He ended the brutal sacrifices. And, he is now remembered throughout history.

The second week brought us to the Vikings: first explorers of the New World. Notice how she has gotten the hang of grabbing your attention with a title and the opening lines.

Let's Go A-Viking!

Vikings were not like Haagar the Horrible. Nor were they like the Minnesota Vikings. Many of the presumptions we have about Vikings are incorrect. First of all, they did not have horns on their helmets. And, though barbaric at times, the Vikings had a softer side: family life.

The Vikings usually had arranged marriages, but women had more rights than women of other cultures at the time. They had a right to money, land, and could divorce their husband whenever they wanted.

The main occupation of a Viking was farming. They grew barley, oats, rye, fruits and vegetables. They raised cattle, goats, pigs, sheep, and were even fishermen!

For recreation, they liked rowing, swimming, skiing, wrestling, and horse races.

The Vikings liked poetry, so that's why we have sagas. They also painted and crafted boats.

As for religion, Vikings were polytheists, but there were 3 main gods: Odin, king of the gods; Freya, goddess of agriculture; and Thor, god of war. The Vikings also had Valhalla, life after death, where you could fight all day and feast all night. Later, Lief Ericsson led them to start to convert to Christianity.

Vikings came from many places. They came from Sweden Denmark, and Norway. They Swedes invaded Western Russia, Eastern Belarus, and Eastern Ukraine. The Danish invaded France, the Netherlands, and parts of England. The Norwegians invaded England, Ireland, Scotland, the Isle of Man, and Lindisfarne. The Vikings also helped unify France and England.

The Vikings first used Latitude and Longitude, and also discovered Greenland and Vinland, now called North America.

In spite of what popular culture says, Vikings were not all about fighting. They cared about family and harvest too. People think all they did was pillage and burn villages, but the Vikings also wrote poetry, painted, and made ships, which they considered art. Even today, we use their invention, Latitude and Longitude.

Leif Ericsson

Leif Ericsson was a Viking. He was the son of Eric the Red, who found Greenland. Leif was born around the year 980, in Iceland. Around 985, Leif's family sailed to Greenland. Around 999, Leif went back to Iceland, then to Norway, where he became a Christian. Leif then traveled around his father's tribe, preaching Christianity. In the year 1000, Leif sailed to a land that another had seen while sailing around. When he got there, he built a house for each of his men, a shed for their ships, and cut logs to bring back to Greenland where wood was scarce. On the way back, he rescued 15 men, who, in thanks, gave Leif their cargo which made Leif rich.

Eric the Red

Eric the Red was the Viking who found Greenland. When he was 10, his father was outlawed for manslaughter. Eric moved with his father to Iceland from Norway. After his father died, Eric killed several people & was exiled for 3 years. He then found Greenland, & persuaded others to come to this new land with him. His son Leif, in later years, found Vinland. Eric, after a fall off his horse, feared bad luch & stayed in Greenland until his death around 1000.

This week's topic is being spread out. Since our family is taking a trip and we'll have two short weeks, I split her work between those two weeks. Our topic this week and next is the Spanish exploration of the New World, as well as saints like Blessed Juniperro Serra. Here is her essay on the book she read about Ponce de Leon:

Ponce de Leon: The Man Who Found Florida

The year was 1513. Juan Ponce de Leon was on the deck of his ship when he heard a shout. "Tierra!" a sailor cried. "Land!" Juan looked and saw a thing, black line on the horizon.

Now, before you read more, here's some information on Ponce de Leon. He was a Spanish knight who fought the Moors. he went with Columbus on his 2nd journey to the New World. There, he fought Indians. Later, he went back and found a peninsula which he named la Florida, or the Land of Flowers.

Juan decided to tell King Ferdinand and Queen Isabel of this new land. After he told the king and queen, he went to Hispanola, where he was attacked by Indians. Wounded in battle, he retreated, but later died of his wounds. Juan inspired many others to explore Florida, including Panfilo de Narvaez and Hernando de Soto.

Juan Ponce de Leon will always be known as the man who found Florida.

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You can see a definite progression here, I think. I'm so proud of how well both girls' writing is going, and I'm proud of how well they are dealing with all the research and reading that their history program is demanding this year!

I'll do my best to post more of their writing throughout the year.

[image sources: colony of Virginia map, Aztec sacrifice, Vikings, Ponce de Leon]

Related:

• Something to be Proud Of (or "Why I Use Catholic-Based History and Science Curriculum")

Something to be Proud of

I've been asked a couple of times about why I insist on a Catholic curriculum, especially when it comes to history and science. Not often, but I was thinking about this recently.

The biggest reason I've stuck with Catholic-based history and science is because I want my girls to be proud of their Catholic heritage.

When I was in school - and it was public school - there was little discussion of the Catholic Church. But the few things that my history classes taught me about my Church in history included that we were the aggressors in the Crusades, Luther was heroic for standing up to a Church that sold indulgences (and let you buy your dead relatives out of Hell - I don't recall if Purgatory was mentioned), and the Catholic Church persecuted scientists like Galileo and Copernicus (and that the Church was and is, in general, anti-science).

When I started educating my girls, I wanted to have a Catholic perspective in education. I wanted them to have a Catholic school at home, basically. And it was then, reading their elementary school textbooks from Seton, that I learned the truth about many things I thought I knew from my public school history classes.

The Crusades were less about attacking Muslims than they were about helping pilgrims make safe journeys to and from the Holy Lands. And, incidentally, the Holy Lands were Catholic places before Mohammed came along and started terrorizing people. (Yes, I used that word. I mean it. Conversion by the sword has never been a part of Catholicism, but it is called for specifically in the Koran.)

Luther disregarded doctrines within the Catholic Church that he didn't like much, and his separation was not heroic. It tore the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church in half. The separation of the Orthodox Church was bad enough. But Luther was a monk! He broke his vows and lead people away from the Church. Indulgences were never sold (not by decree or permission from the Church, anyway; if it happened, it was done by rogue priests who were abusing their positions and vocations). And an indulgence isn't about "getting someone out of Hell." That's impossible. And purgatory is about as misunderstood as indulgences are. (For a good explanation of indulgences, I recommend Catholic Answers' site. Most Catholics couldn't explain them to you, which is why, when I mentioned to my father this tidbit of information, he couldn't explain why the description in my textbooks were wrong. So I offer two links: the first is a primer on indulgences, and the other debunks some of the myths about this ancient - and current! - practice of granting indulgences. Trust me, it's worth the read to have a better understanding of the idea.)

And the most surprising thing I've learned is that not only has the Church not persecuted scientists, but She's had quite a few in her own clergy! (Here is an excellent summary on Galileo, the ignorants' favorite example.) I didn't know until quite recently that Gregor Mendel was an Augustinian priest!

But my girls know these things. They're learning them as we learn about the famous people who make up our Western Civilization's history. They're learning that the first religious ceremony in what would become the United States was a Catholic Mass. They're learning that Florida, Mexico, South America, and the western areas of the United States were explored by Catholic nations and had countless missions dotting the wild frontier. They're learning that there were brave priests and sisters and brothers and nuns who came to this country to serve others and set up schools (long before the government was in the business of education) and offer hospital care and feed the poor.

What they're learning is what I did not learn until I was an adult.

To be Catholic is to have something to be proud of. Our Catholic heritage is rich. It's full of amazing people and wonderful discoveries and moving tales of charity and love and forgiveness. (Read some of the stories about the French Jesuits who were tortured by the Indians and begged to be sent back to be missionaries so they could save souls. Read about those who came after them and became martyrs, not because they were cruel or slave-masters, but because they would not abandon their Lord. And then read about the conversions that were made possible by tireless religious who risked their lives to share the Good News with those who had never heard it before!)

So what I am giving my children - what they gain from studying science and our history from a Catholic perspective - is something to be proud of. They'll hold their heads up when they say they're Catholic because they will have learned the truth:

The Catholic Church has done some pretty wonderful things. It's like a well-kept secret, but I'm determined to let that secret out!

Anniversaries and Times and Seasons and Prayers

This Saturday is our anniversary: 17 years! My sweet husband likes to add, "16 of them happy," with a wink, making a reference to my two agonizing pregnancies.

It's hard to believe we've really been married for 17 years now. December will mark 20 years of being together as a couple. That is half my life.

Time is a funny thing. When we're young, it crawls by so slowly, you wish for Superman to come along and speed things up a bit. A school year to a first grader is an eternity. And that's not surprising since one year is 1/5 of his life! As a child in elementary school, going from Christmas to Christmas takes forever (especially when the purple and pink candles come out - it's doubly slow then!), but as adults, it seems to sneak up on us a little faster each year. My anniversary seems to be just a few weeks back, but here it is, mid-August again!

If we think back on our lives as children, we see how hard it was to wait for anything we

wanted. We looked forward to being older, getting to do more things, and those years of waiting were dreadfully long. Big Girl, for example, is one of the few children in her age group at church who doesn't have a cell phone. She's been asking again and again when she can get one. Now this is a topic Travel Man and I talked about when we first started seeing teens with cell phones. We had decided that until the girls are working, they don't need one. Scratch that. Make it this: Until they are DRIVING, they don't need one. Period. And even then, maybe they only need to borrow it sometimes.

So our answer was this, "When you turn 16, we'll start talking about it." (Notice that independent clause: start talking about it.)

This elicited the following reaction:

"WHAT????!!!!????" (Please imagine it starting at a high pitch and rising as the one-syllable word becomes something more like a long note sung.)

See, Big Girl is nearly 12, and four years before the discussion even starts is 1/4 of her life. To us, it seems like it's just around the corner. To her, it's NEVER GOING TO GET HERE.

About the only way that helps me understand this idea of time when I'm dealing with little girls - or, really, not-so-little girls - is to think about being with my husband.

It's been 20 years since we started dating. Half my life. And, frankly, I barely remember what it was like without him. A little bit, but not a lot.

Basically, it's like ... forever. It's as though he's never not been such an intregal part of my life.

Imagine how much more our little annoyances with waiting amuse God, who is Eternal. No beginning, no end. A day is like a thousand years. How He must chuckle at our indignant answer when He tells us to wait before He answers a prayer.

"WHAT????!!!!????"

I'm sure that Him asking us to wait for something is in our best interest, but we are like children: we can't see it.

When I pray, I must remember that there are three answers to my prayers:

1. Yes. We like this best. It is when we pray for something that is beneficial to us - to our souls, especially - that we get this answer. Of course, being our Father in Heaven, God also likes to give good gifts to His children. Not all "Yes" answers are purely for our spiritual benefit. Some are just because we're getting a nice present from Daddy.
2. Wait. We like this, but not nearly as much as "Yes." After all, we're like our own children, who when they are told they must wait until Christmas morning to open presents Grandma sent last week (and Christmas is three weeks away), sit and stare longingly at the presents under the tree, occasionally begging again to open it now. But sometimes, the wait is worth it. And sometimes, we aren't really ready for that "Yes." Oh, we think we are. We're very grown-up, you know. But what we are, sometimes, is that 12 year old asking for permission to drive the car. The 12 year old thinks she's a great driver. We happen to know a bit better.
3. No. This is the answer that so few people like to talk about, and none of us really like. Oh, sure, deep down we understand that God has other things in store for us. Better things. But no child likes being told no. Even if you're asking for a pony and you live in the middle of suburbia. Even if you're asking if you can bring home the baby bear you found rummaging in the trashcan outside your rural mountain home. But God, being a Good Father, knows what's best for us. He has to tell us "No" sometimes.

What's really tough for us, as His children, is seeing the difference between God's "Wait," and His "No." Sometimes we are certain that He's said no. And we whine about it. We cease actually praying for our intention, but instead complain. Now, if it's a "wait," often there is a reason, like Christ perfecting the Samaritan woman's request, testing her motives and faith. As a mother, I do this sometimes, making sure that my children have good intentions behind a request, or even that they really do want the thing they're asking for.

God is the perfect Father! He will do the same for us. However, just as I will know the girls really want what they're asking for by listening to them ask (politely) again, God will also allow us to ask him repeatedly for our intentions.

However, if instead of polite requests I get whining and complaints, I am WAY less inclined to give in. Ever. Can our reaction to our children be that vastly different than God's?

So, I remind myself here that I must approach my petitions to God with reverence. I must always remember to take a good look at my own motivation for asking. Is it for good reasons? Am I asking for something that will be spiritually beneficial, or am I asking for the equivalent of a pet bear cub?

And, when God's answer seems to be "no," I must also re-evaluate and see if my petition is, indeed, appropriate. If I'm asking Jesus for a pony while I'm living in an apartment or for a pet cat that I'm terribly allergic to, I need to accept His "no" and move on. But if it is, I should do as Jesus instructed and persist, purifying my motivations and faith along the way. And I need to remember that just like it's 1/4 of Big Girl's life before we even begin discussing a cell phone, God's time is not my time, and His ways are not my ways. I might have a bit of a wait until I hear "Yes" from my Father in Heaven.

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Homeschooling and Organization

I used to be an organized homeschooler. I need the organization, but when I worked part-time from home while we worked on our debt snowball, I became a kind of molecular opposite of organized. Our school work started to suffer, and when it came to a breaking point, my husband and I made the decision that I'd quit. That was last year, and October 1 will be the anniversary of Mommy's Freedom Day; however, I never did get reorganized. I seemed to be in so many different places in the girls' school subjects that I made a hodge-podge of the end of the school year. There are subjects we just plain didn't finish. Others subjects became a "read-it-yourself" study.

So I'm a little trepidatious about the new school year. Little Girl will be in fourth grade, which is still not too bad as far as scheduling and work load, but Big Girl is starting seventh grade. Middle school is firmly underway. And I have to help her be ready for high school and beyond.

So I've spent the last few days working on her first quarter lesson plans, and I'm ever so glad I did it this early! She's got some heavy-looking research, a lot of writing, and a need of some science materials I wasn't expecting just yet. (A bunsen burner? A plate balance? Seriously??)

All day today, I've been touching up the girls' lesson plans and making copies of materials they'll need to use all year. I am determined to be better organized and to be a better teacher. My laziness as their teacher has helped make them lazy as students. And I'm not doing them any favors this way!!

Next for me will be looking for movies and books that will help them along. I've got a terrific book by Maureen Wittmann, For the Love of Literature, that will help me locate wonderful books to make the girls' learning more fun. If you're working on a literature-based education, this is a fantastic resource to have.

I made a few unexpected changes to our homeschool:

First, I changed Little Girl to Catholic Heritage Curricula. I'd read about it and thought it looked more appropriate for Big Girl, who is a very kinetic learner and needs to be able to make choices within some structure to feel good about school. I've often said that she is probably a prime candidate for a Montessori education, if only I weren't so completely not wired to provide it. (Seriously, I have a degree in education and was taught about the method and how to teach with it. I am not able to wrap my brain around it in any meaningful way.)

I was surprised at the accessibility of the books, and decided to use the same program with Little Girl starting now. We went over her school books today and talked a bit about how things will work, and we're both excited. Whereas Seton focuses very strongly on basic skills to achieve academic success, CHC works a little more organically. Seton is very workbook-intense, while CHC is more project-based. CHC probably leans a little more towards a Whole Language approach, but still has enough basic drills and memorization to make me feel confident that the girls are going to learn things in an organized manner.

Second, I have made a big change in religious education curricula. One of the subjects I've always loved from Seton has been their religious education. I still used it, even when I wasn't using anything else from Seton, for both girls - until this year. I knew I needed to get Big Girl out of the workbooks and into something different. So I decided I wanted to start her in the Faith and Life series this year. My plan was to leave Little Girl in the Seton books until seventh grade, as well. Until I got a good look at the books, that is.

Faith and Life, while still very careful to cover the faith in depth, has a wonderful layout and a flexible structure. It's designed for a classroom in a parochial school, but is easily adapted to home or even Sunday school classes. I am totally sold on it. I've made plans for all kinds of art projects for both girls that tie into the lessons. It's going to be great!

I'm adding something big for Big Girl this year.

We'll be reading Humanae Vitae together. Seriously. I'll let you know how it goes, but it makes me nervous.

The only thing that hasn't gone to the CHC curriculum choices remains math. We're sticking with Math-U-See for as long as I can see right now. The hands-on has been good for both girls. My biggest regret is that we are really badly behind in Math. I have to make a commitment (and stick to it) to cover a lesson every week or so. I think we'll be on a better track with it, and I've got plans for giving them some activities to work on their math. There are a couple of apps on the iPod that I've downloaded for them, and they actually enjoy them! I'm sure I'll discover more as time goes on, but these were not too spendy and they've helped the girls shore up their basic facts knowledge.

So there we are, ready for school to start. Well, ready except for about 100 pages of copies I still need to make. Thank God Sam's Club has boxes of copier paper and I own an all-in-one printer!

In Which I Have an Off-Site Post

Sarah at Just Another Day of Catholic Pondering asked if anyone wanted to do a guest post. Funny how her request came just after I had been feeling like I had something important I wanted to talk about to someone.

I'm honored to be a guest poster at her fine blog. (Please check her out regularly if you don't already!)

Here's the beginning of my article, but please click on over to her blog for the rest:

Early in my marriage, I heard some advice that I scoffed at (a bit) initially. “Never, EVER say a negative thing about your husband in front of another person!”

“Never?” I thought. “Seriously?”

At the time, we were in network marketing, and some of the women I admired had decided to take this advice to heart. So I decided to try it, too. ...

She's even got some nifty pictures to go along with it!

Old Blog Post

Back when I had one blog, I posted this piece for Father's Day. I thought I'd share it again.

Imagine, if you will, a Mother's Day card that talks about mom being a bad housekeeper. "You keep us fed, even if the house is a disaster. Happy Mother's Day!"

Or how about this one? "Moms are great for being sure that we are clothed and fed, even if we have to make our own lunch. Happy Mother's Day!"

That's no good for your mom? How about this? "We always knew right from wrong, Mom, because you were around..." (inside:) "...to nag us to death! Happy Mother's Day!"

Okay, what about mom's cooking? "Happy Mother's Day to a woman who knows how to put dinner on the table..." "...as long as it's takeout! Sorry you burn the water when you boil it! Happy Mother's Day!"

Imagine the uproar over Mother's Day cards like this! 60 Minutes would have an expose about how gender discrimination has creeped into the most innocent of holidays: Mother's Day. We're supposed to be honoring our mothers! What's this garbage?

But gender discrimination has, indeed, creeped into the most innocent of holidays. It's here on Father's Day.

Allow me to give a few examples of some of the cards I found at Hallmark while looking for Father's Day cards.

First, a card with three cartoon panels on the front:

First, a young man asking his father, "Dad, can I borrow the keys to the car?"

Father: "Ask your mother."

Second, same young man asking his father, "What time should I be home tonight?"

Father: "Ask your mother."

Last, same young man asking his father, "Dad, what do you think?"

Father: "Ask your mother."

Inside: "Happy Father's Day to the ultimate authority."

ha. ha. ha.

Stroll on over to my other blog (which has become more the political outlet for me), and then don't forget to call your dad today!

Happy reading, and happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. You are appreciated, and you don't deserve that kind of treatment. And there are a lot of us out here who are trying to help you get the respect you deserve back again. Keep fighting the good fight, men!

The Lucky Gift

The Anchoress is right. No extraneous comments are necessary, except to say that we need to be thankful (in all things) every day.

No one knows when "their time" will be.

Go and read. (Grab tissues, ladies.)

Too True!

Yes, I cried when I saw this. It's so true.

One of the best ads I've seen during the Olympics.

When the Choices Given to You Aren't Compatible with Life

I've actually seen this site before, and it deserves much more attention than my small-potatoes blog will give it, which is why it's so wonderful to see KJL on National Review highlighting it.

For parents who receive a prenatal diagnosis that is not in the norm, most online resources seem to be firmly set in the Culture of Death. How to deal with the aftermath of aborting a wanted child and such. (The fact that this site honors George Tiller is pretty disturbing to me.) But for a long time, there were not sites that were firmly set within the Culture of Life.

Be Not Afraid is that site. It's a support site for parents who love their children and are choosing life for them. Parents who are facing a difficult journey ahead, but who are not shirking from it.

One of my favorite parts of the article (linked below) is the following:

"If you are a scared parent who has just returned from a doctor’s visit that brought bad news about your unborn child and log onto your computer and search for “anencephaly,” she wants you to have alternatives. She wants you to know that other parents have been at the point you are. She wants you to know that you can face your pregnancy. And if your doctor won’t help you, she’ll help you find a doctor. Even if you’re in England, she’ll try.

[Monica] Rafie, you see, has been there. She and her husband were told that her daughter would be “incompatible with life.” Today she is a “vibrant” second-grader preparing for her First Communion. It took “grace and a series of surgeries,” but her daughter is alive at eight years old, quite compatible with life and a blessing to her family, despite her initial prognosis. There’s “a whole group of parents that need to be reached out to,” Rafie says. And so she tries."

Read the rest of the article here:

Parents, Be Not Afraid - Kathryn Jean Lopez - National Review Online

Oh, one last thought from the article. It's something Rafie said, and it is true, so it deserves to be repeated again and again.

“The baby who could die anyway has the same dignity as any other baby.”

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Like Prom, Only Better ... But Not With Less Hairspray

Travel Man made his Fourth Degree this past weekend. We got all dolled up (it was black-tie), and I felt like a princess! We got professional pictures done (like prom), but here's a shot a friend of ours took for us. I think I used about as much hairspray as prom, too. But I thought it was worth it!

And can I tell you how totally AWESOME Travel Man looks dressed like this??? Good golly, Molly! I'm ready to buy him a tux to just wear around the house every day. Seriously. I didn't even want to go to dinner, you know.

And if you think that's bad, wait'll he gets the Regalia!!

On Notice! (Or: A Duck on Crutches)

Many times, I've written about our family being on the Total Money Makeover plan. It's been a way of life for us, and though it was a big change, it was one that was quite necessary. Back in December of 2007, I was not particularly good about sharing our financial crunch with Travel Man, but I had to tell him we were in trouble. If we didn't sell our van and change something, we were going to go under. Believe it or not, I actually hid this from him for MONTHS. I was very depressed, and it was only my Catholic faith that kept me from being suicidal. Revealing that was pretty scary. It shouldn't have been, but it was.

Well, just after I revealed this and Travel Man and I knew we had to do something, God stepped in and prompted a friend of his to give him a book. "It's changed our life!" he gushed, and handed over Dave Ramsey's book. I was reluctant to read it, and more reluctant to sit down and write out our budget. We did it. I nearly threw up, I probably cried a bunch, but we developed a plan based on the Total Money Makeover (TMM). And we decided that I could contribute by working from home. Hence my job with Apple. I certified and started getting paid work at the end of April of 2008. God took care of us, because I first had to certify with an umbrella company in order to contact their clients. When I finished with that class, I was allowed to apply for a client, and Apple happened to come up just then. It was the best possible client I could have hoped for: one with good pay, a 20 hour/week minimum, and no

required weekends. Plus, though the class was more expensive, if I did well, I could keep the computer and get a refund for that part of my fees. I passed, I got my refund, and I plowed on.

Let me tell you what: without that, we would have been in some trouble. But with it, we managed to pay off a serious amount of money. I'm not getting into specifics here, but I didn't think that it would be possible to do that, along with car repairs, hospital bills, oral surgery bills, and water heater bills added in. Combine that with that emergency trip to Texas last May, and we're talking about some very serious stuff.

Our plan has been that I would continue to work until we paid off all our debt and put aside about 1/3 of our full emergency fund (3-6 months of expenses). But things have changed a little bit.

Work was stressing me out, school was slipping, and I was starting to shut down and do less and less in my vocation. Things came to a head recently, and I burst into tears and sobbed on and on about how awful I felt, how I wasn't doing well with work, how I wasn't doing enough for the girls as their mother, how their schoolwork was being put off more and more. And Travel Man hugged me and said exactly what I needed to hear, but didn't want to ask for.

"If it's that bad, quit. It's not worth the extra money to have you like this, to have you feel like you aren't taking care of the girls."

I actually argued against it a bit, especially since we hadn't paid off that last debt (though it's down to just slightly more than 1/3 of the original amount from last October), but he insisted.

We talked some more about it, looking over the budget. Quitting means slowing down that debt snowball. Quitting means slowing down for the fully-funded emergency fund. Quitting means no trip to Disney for our kids next year. Quitting means the rest of the debt will be Travel Man's responsibility to pay off.

But quitting also means no squeezing school between my shifts. Quitting means no ignoring the girls while I do extra studying for the latest specs on whatever Steve Jobs dreamed up last month. Quitting means no meetings online while the family watches a movie without me. Quitting means that Big Girl isn't lying compulsively so she gets more attention from me for something. And when I mentioned the burden of paying being solely his, my amazing husband replied with a reassuring smile, "Heavy is the head that wears the crown."

I looked over my contract, and realized that I needed to give 30 days of notice, or work to the end of my contract with my client, whichever comes last. And my contract was going to expire in about 36 days.

Providence.

So I gave my notice towards the end of last week, and notified my performance facilitator this week.

And it's only 29 days until September 30, which is last day in my contract.

And so, I've put my job on notice. I'm officially a lame duck employee.

Pretty soon, I'll just be Mommy again.

And that's just what I've always wanted to be.

Sweet Sixteen!

Happy Anniversary, my love!

To What Degree?

When I tell people I homeschool, most are supportive, even if their reaction includes a "I could never!" comment.  Occasionally, though, someone questions that I am sheltering my girls.  My reaction these days to that rare instance is, "You bet your bippy!  It's my job to shelter them!"

I do shelter them, unapologetically, from things that might do damage to their souls: immoral or amoral lessons in sex ed, exposure to media (including books) that Travel Man and I deem to be inappropriate, ideas about family that are in opposition to our faith, and even history skewed against the truth about the Church.  To some degree, I am also sheltering them from the trials and travails that they might encounter in the clique-ish school culture.

And I say "to some degree" because I know that as long as we are involved in extracurricular activities (and we are), they'll encounter some of that anyway.

This was never so painfully obvious to me as it was a little more than two weeks ago, when I was getting Little Girl ready for dance lessons.  It seems that the day before, some boys at Sunday school laughed because she doesn't have "Summer vacation."  In other words, we school all the time, taking breaks when we need to for mental health or for family vacations or, in the case of the end of this month, for family celebrations.  But try explaining that to second graders.  All Little Girl knew is that her tender little heart was hurt by their laughter.  And then, something that had been bothering her for some time came to a head as I went to pull her hair up for dance.

She started to cry.  About dance class.  "I don't really want to go any more.  I think I want to stop dance after the recital!" she wailed.

This is a child who will not cannot stop dancing.  I practically have to strap her to a chair for meals, she's in motion so much!  And she wants to quit?!?

A little inquiry on my part revealed that she was dealing with "mean girls" in her class.  Girls who laughed when others fell down.  Girls who wouldn't talk to her.  Girls who didn't ask if she was okay when she fell.  Girls who made fun of her for wearing tights from a Winnie-the-Pooh dance from last year - tights!!  Girls who were getting clique-ish.  

This was new, mind you.  The class dynamics changed when a few new girls joined the dance studio.  Before this year, she had no problems like this; all the girls got along, they all talked and laughed together, and there were no little groups sneering at others' mistakes.  (They all enjoyed the Winnie-the-Pooh dance, too, including the very plain beige tights.)

This is a struggle for me.  I want to protect her.  I want to kick butt and take names - of the mothers who let their little girls act this way, mind you.  I want to lecture the girls and make them cringe.  I even think about switching dance schools to protect her from these girls.

But that wouldn't change a thing, and it would potentially damage her character.  Running off to another school won't protect her; mean girls are everywhere.  (I never even took dance, and I encountered them!)  Kicking butt and taking names won't help, because then the mothers and I won't even get along, and that would probably only feed into the problem in the long run.

So we talked and I got specifics.  And I asked her, "What do you want me to do for you?"

"I want you to talk to the teacher for me.  I might start crying again if I talk to her."

"When, honey?"

"Today."

I gulped.  I HATE confrontation, but this is important to take care of.  "When today?  Before class or after class?"

"Before, please."

So I had about fifteen minutes to craft my part of the discussion.  Little did she know how nervous I was to bring it up, but I was glad that she said something.  She almost never complains about anything.  So for this to come up at all means that it's been bothering her for quite some time.  (Almost the whole school year, it turns out.)

When I pulled the instructor aside, she acknowledged that it had been slowly escalating, and the idea of Little Girl quitting was horrible to her.  "She's too good to let those girls push her out.  I'm not losing her!"  She's known Little Girl for three years now, and knows how shy and sensitive she is.  So she spoke to the class - without revealing who it was - about respecting others and not being mean.  

Even though it didn't help Little Girl suddenly have the old camaraderie back again, she felt better that someone would be looking out for that kind of behavior.  

I know I can't shelter her from this.  I can limit it, for sure, but there are mean girls everywhere.  Another school would have different mean girls.  If she left dance forever and started something else, there'd be mean girls there, too.  Not everyone can be "homeschooled Catholic girls like me," which was Little Girl's wish.  But until she learns how to deal with situations like this, it's my job, too, to step in and help her.  We'll work on dealing a little at a time, but I'm not ready to throw her to the wolves.  I'm not ready to let her work it out on her own.  And she's not ready, either.

So, yes.  I shelter my girls.  You bet your bippy!

But I'm teaching them how to go out into the world, too.  And when it's time, they'll be ready for it.

Catholic Manhood

I swear, most of why I want Travel Man to be Fourth Degree is to get him in that regalia!  I *love* the regalia!

Plus, when he gets the sword, I get a pointy princess hat from Disney world.  I kid you not.  I've been waiting for-EVER to get one!  :D

Love, love, love the Knights of Columbus!  I could go on forever about the good they do, and how much they promote true manhood and devotion to the Lord (and His Church) and to family.  

Wuv...Twoo Wuv...

Hat tip to Jean at Catholic Fire for this lovely video.

What Is Love? (A Valentine's Day Meditation)

Found via First Things:

...These days, I epitomize the “in sickness” part of the wedding vows that Deb and I took back in 1981. Since we learned last April that I have prostate cancer, I’ve had my prostate removed, found out that the cancer was shockingly aggressive, undergone a 33-session course of radiation and am finishing up hormone therapy.

Right now, I’m not quite what you’d call “a catch.” I wear man-pads for intermittent incontinence, I’m a bazaar of scars, and haven’t had a full erection in seven months. Most nights, I’m in bed by 10. The Lupron hormone shots, which suppress the testosterone that can fuel prostate cancer, have sent my sex drive lower than the stock market, shrunken my testicles, and given me hot flashes so fierce that I sweat outdoors when it’s 20 degrees and snowing.  ...

Read the whole thing here. And ponder what love really is, and how you can find the Culture of Life with death staring you in the face.