Monday, August 10

Getting Married for the Sex?

This minister (and those like him) who are advocating this are being misrepresented here. (And he even says it's his fear, right there in the article with the provocative headline.)

Can't Wait for Sex? Just Get Married, Some Say - Local News | News Articles | National News | US News -

"'I'll probably get framed as I want people to marry because I don't want them to have premarital sex,' said Regnerus, author of 'Forbidden Fruit: Sex and Religion in the Lives of American Teenagers.'

'I think marriage is just a fantastic institution for people who think rightly about it, have realistic ideas about it and put the requisite work into it.'"

I think they are actually right. Couples don't need to wait until they're in their thirties to marry! Gracious, since when is 22 too young to marry? I was even told so at 23, and I thought that was ridiculous. It's not your age when you marry, it's your maturity and the health of your relationship. My parents married at 18 and 20 (though I admit that my mother was only a month from 19), and they've been married for 41 years now - happily.

And, honestly, one pastor is right when he says that by pushing off marriage, telling people they ought to wait until they're established in their careers and in their mid 30's ... this does work against our Creator's plan for procreation. Women's fertility starts declining in their mid-30's and takes a nosedive after 40. After 40, you've got just as much chance for miscarriage as delivering a full-term child. It's another part of the Culture of Death, this idea that you shouldn't even try having children before you're "ready." Honey, you ain't never gonna be ready!

Besides, we need something to counter the extreme selfishness we all have in our society these days. (I do not exclude myself, in case you wonder.) You can't let your kids stand in the way of what you want goes the thinking. Even the idea of children intruding on your plans is anathema! Our children have become the enemy when we keep the mindset that they're getting in the way of us doing A, B, or C. And, really, Pope Paul VI was right in Humanae Vitae - this is all stemming from the coarsening of our views of sexuality, thanks to the widespread contraceptive mentality of our culture - the Culture of Death.


Christina Martin said...

You say it's not your age but your maturity and the health of your relationship, and I agree... but I'd add one more element: your preparation. A whole lot of young marriages fail because one or both partners doesn't understand what they are getting into, or doesn't know how to read the health of their relationship. Some of these marriages might be saved if they had adequate preparation, and others might have been averted in the first place.

I think we do a disservice to our children if we do not spend a significant amount of time preparing them for the possibility of vocations, either in marriage or in the religious life. That includes learning how to tell if you are compatible, as well as how to manage a household. I'm a little angry that schools so rarely teach any kind of household management skills anymore, and focus almost exclusively on wage earning.

I once had my education referred to as "frivolous" because I was pursuing a bachelor's degree without a career in mind. It really bothers me that so much of society thinks education's sole purpose is to make more money.

Christine the Soccer Mom said...

I definitely agree about the preparation, which was why I tried to include that bit in the quote. One thing I always say is that the fact that the Church requires you to prepare in some way makes it easier to succeed.

Knowing what it's like to run a home is probably a dying subject, too. We had a quarter in high school with life preparation in health class, but it didn't get into much of the day to day things. Home ec. and Vo.Tech classes are looked down upon and the only track for education seems to be college bound. Pardon, but there are some people who have no business in college - not because they aren't going to use it to make money, but because they just can't complete some of the basic work.

Our society devalues necessary work like mechanics and such - making it seem like working with your hands is for losers - but these are jobs that need to be done and can, quite frankly, pay pretty well, too.

Maybe people don't think you need much education in those topics because so few people actually do it themselves any more. With two-parent-working homes being more common than single-income families (unless it's a single-parent home), there's no one there to keep house, anyway. It might as well be a hotel room for all the time spent there sometimes. No meals prepared (I do know some people who just eat out or get takeout a lot), little time spent there between activities, etc.

I know what you mean about the education thing, too. Someone once teased me that I got married before the end of college and was then a stay at home mom (I prefer Home Maker, thank you), and so I got my MRS. I'm no feminist - you know that - but that burned me up. I worked dang hard for my degree! It just demeaned what I'd done. And I am not even someone who bristles at things like "Mr. and Mrs. Travel Man" or even being called "Travel Man's Wife" or "Big Girl's Mom" when someone only knows me through my family.

Well, enough ranting from me in the com boxes, eh? That's why I've got the whole blog! LOL!

Who are your heros?


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